Letters to Home

Dear Mother and Father, siblings.

I hope you are all well. I miss you.

Mother, I don’t know if I could possibly tell you enough how sorry I am that I am not there to help with the children. I’d wanted to so much and I know how much you need the help. I’ve nothing to say to this except that when school was offered as an option, I felt like I had to take it. It’s so hard knowing everything that happened and how many mistakes I’ve made- seeing the consequences of those choices. Is it weak of me that I left you alone with them rather than stay to help?

School is going well, at least. I am excelling in mathematics and the sciences. I’m trailing in etiquette, history and fashion. I will master those as well, mom. I promise. I hope that school will teach me how to be a better person, how to function in society, and when I finally graduate, I hope that my actions will bring honour and respect to our family, rather than the opposite. At the very least, it is hard to get into trouble with my nose in a boring history book or studying swaths of material for dress construction. I miss you terribly.

Father. Thank you for always standing by me. Even when you were ready to give up, and even when it seemed like you were against me, even then you weren’t gone. I realize now how I forced you into those decisions and forced you to decide between my well being and the rest of the family. I truly regret my actions, and I hope over time that you can forgive me. It may please you to know that I managed to secure an archery class outside of my studies. The school disapproves of extracurricular demands on their student’s time, but I begged and pleaded until they relented. It’s a small thing, I know, but I’m proud of it, because when I look for the positive things between us, the bow and arrow seem to symbolize it This was something we shared, that somehow managed to remain untarnished and so I hope you will see me keeping with this as a positive thing. When I practice, it’s almost like you’re there with me again, and that makes me happy.

To my siblings. I love you all.

Lala, you must be getting so big now. I’ll bet you’ve grown a whole twelve inches, and I’ll bet your brothers are a lot of fun. I wrote a little story for you and had it illustrated. I hope you like it- it’s all about an elven girl, much like yourself who has amazing adventures. She even gets to explore caves!

Anais, I miss you little sis. There’s another person here at the school who reminds me so much of you. She has your laugh and she’s always happy, and so very creative. She’s a lot older than you are, of course, but every time I’m around her, I think of you and it makes me smile. I made something for you, it’s a dress. I had to guess your size, but I think you’ll like it- it’s formal! This way, the next time you go to a ball, you’ll be the prettiest one there- not that you need any help in that department; it’s just good to have clothes that can keep up! Okay, so maybe it will be a while before you go to balls, but you deserve to always be the best dressed girl in the room.

Mother, Father, will you please give my love to Stavier, Lia and Bree? I’ll try to compose a letter for them as soon as I’ve some free time- which is surprisingly difficult to come by!

I love you all, and look forward to the next break when I can come home to visit.

Yours,

Kuvasei S. Duskflame

Closing the Blog

Hi everyone. This will probably come as no surprise to any of you, but I’m closing this blog. I’d held hope that I might continue writing Kuv at a later date, but I’ve decided to leave WoW altogether. It takes too much of my life and I’m simply unable to moderate my time. I still write; I love the creativity, but I wont be doing it from warcraft. I invite all of you to keep in touch kelly.angela6 -at- gmail.com. I’d be into co-writing through text, if that’s something you’d like.

I’m not deleting the blog. Just giving myself some closure.

I love you all. Thanks for the last three years.

 

Westel

Dear Bree,

 

I wonder how old you be when you get to read these letters. Probably at least a teenager, since some of their content would be a bit mature, but then again, who knows? If you take after me.. actually, I rather hope you don’t take after me. At least not after the me I’ve been for the last year or so.

 

I’m making progress though. I was delighted and surprised to have a warm conversation with Dad (Westel). See he and Anetho had been fighting again and by the time I arrived, Anetho had moved into one of his fits. He always, conveniently is drunk or fumbly or his asthma flares up or something. I really don’t believe it, I think its his way to get out of confrontations, and even if it -is- real, he certainly uses the weakness to his advantage with me and mom.

 

However, that night he’d been fumbling around for rings and he slipped a gold on on my hand. I was shocked and rather saddened. Okay a lot saddened because despite what he’d done with Illena and the manipulation he put all of us through, especially Dad, I still love him. Or, I love the idea of him at least. Mom and dad both think its best if I don’t date him, and so I’m not. Take this as a note, learn from your mistakes and learn to trust the people who care about you. They see things in ways that you cannot.

 

Back to the conversation though. I asked Dad why he’d given his blessing on the marriage that night and he explained that he was tired of fighting with Anetho and he knew the man wouldn’t stop. It was given in frustration. He didn’t say this, but it was also probably because he knew that I wanted it. But then a marvelous thing happened, I actually got to explain something and he actually listened. I told him that the reason I didn’t take him up on his blessing was because it wasn’t what I was looking for. See, it’s not just the words that I want, but I really, really, want him to like and approve of the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with. It’s as simple as that. I got to tell him those words, and that felt very good.

 

Maybe things between Dad and I have a chance of getting better after all. I sure hope so. I hope I can keep from fucking it up again.

 

I love you, my darling.

Kuvie

 

Friends and lovers.

May 26

Dear Bree,

I know, two letters in the same day, but I’ve so much to catch you up on. I realized that I have hardly told you about any of the important people in my life outside of our immediate family. Guess you’ll probably see the stuff about Anetho- or maybe if your mom decides, you’ll be getting that one in another ten years or so. He’s no longer in the scene. We had the thing with Dad taken care of, Anetho fixes it to the extent where dad gives me his blessing and we could go back to dating-if I had stopped being mad at him by then, anyway. Problem is he slept with my Aunt Illenna.

Mind you, he and I had not yet had the monogamy talk, and I doubt I’d have stopped seeing other people anyway, but what clinched it was that he made Illenna think he wanted to love her, and loving someone is vastly different than sleeping with them. This was just too much. It was an ass move and it’s what tipped me clearly to the side of never dating him again. I’ve not spoken to Illenna since that night either.

Right now, there is one person in my life who I love- as much as I understand love, that is. Mira. Did I ever write to you about when she and I were dating before? It got pretty serious, pretty quickly and that’s what killed it. She needed something much more adult than I was capable of, and I really wasn’t aware enough of my own needs to talk to her about it, so we grew apart. We never stopped loving each other though, and for the last year or so we’ve been seeing each other off and on. So the other day, I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend again. As it was, it felt like we were treating each other as booty calls and I knew we were much more than that. Neither of us can marry the other. I’m going to marry a man with status as befits my station and she has to marry within hers, then we will continue to be lovers even while we have the proper social marriages going. It’s acceptable socially to have lovers on the side, as so many marriages are politically arranged. I”m much more hopeful for this time. It feels right.

Fox is someone else who is quickly becoming important. I can’t explain why yet, but there’s just something about her that meshes with me. It’s not a sexual thing, there’s just something about the way she talks, and that look she gets when she listens. You know how most people who listen have this set expression that is supposed to assure you of their sympathy? She’s not like that. She actively reaches for what you are saying. She is empathetic and loving for anyone she considers family, or lovers or a friend and I feel like I could tell her anything and that caring would never waver. Wow, that’s pretty strong a statement for someone I’ve only known for a short time, but that’s my sense of her.

I love the skulls in her hair and her accent. I love just about everything about her. In some ways she’s almost primal. She’s got that whole tribe thing going on like I had the the Burning Tusks- but with a troll’s intensity as opposed to the fluffy family routine that eventually drove me out of the Tusks.. I wanted to kill everyone in her group when they punished her- and Ive still got a few choice words for the one who tried to add humiliation to the punishment, but I wont. That crest is her family and her life. I understand the bond she has and I would never disrespect that.

Sometimes you know when someone is a keeper, right? This is why I wanted to write to you about her.

That’s it for now!

Love, Mom.

 

Siblings

Dear Bree,

I’m so excited for your little brother’s arrival. May 24. Lia is still recovering, so I’ve not been able to go over and see him yet, but I’ll bet he’s just adorable. I’m really, really happy for all of you. I don’t want you to think for a moment though that because you’re adopted they will love you any less or him any more. It’s just not true.

Trust me, I know how that is. I’m adopted as well, and all of my siblings are tied by blood to either mom or dad. I’ve got Laurelia and Anais and twins on the way. Yes, twins, mom told me a couple of days ago. She hasn’t decided yet if they’re going to both be the same sex or different ones, because apparently dad wants to be surprised.

The thing is though, I know what it’s like to be adopted and to be missing that blood tie. Most don’t. It’s hard sometimes, like, it’s kinda like riding in one of those flyers where you’re strapped to wings. You know the belt will hold you to them and you trust that it’s strong, but what if it doesn’t? It’s kinda like that. You and I darling have to be tough. Trust isn’t something that happens -to- you, it’s something you make, something you decide.

Your mom and dad love you dearly.

As do I.

Kuvasei

 

To Breelyn

Dear Bree,

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written a journal entry for you, and I’m sorry about that. Everything that has happened has been so intense that I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to include it in the journal you’ll receive. In the end, I decided to, because even though it creates a really ugly picture of me, I trust you will know that down inside, I’m not a bad person. I’ve my faults, and they’re all right here, but I like to think that I’ve good things too.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision giving you up. It’s selfish, I know because you’ve got your mother and father to look out for you. You’ve a good life and I’d have been a terrible mom, but the selfish part of me just wants to hold you. To have that bond that now belongs to you and Lia, the recognition of mother and daughter when your eyes meet. I’m getting to watch you grow up from afar, but its just not the same. Sometimes I get so sad for what I have missed.

You are the single best thing I have ever done in life. To know that I brought you in, my beautiful child, fills me with joy and has gotten me through so many desperate and dark moments.

You are ever in my thoughts and in my heart.

Love, mom.

 

The Box

The door to Anetho’s place sounded with Lady Duskflame’s rapping upon it. It was perhaps a bit impetuous to show up unannounced rather than wait for an invitation, but matters were coming to a head. Anetho peered up at the door, holding a cloth to his mouth. “Enter!” He called out in a raspy voice, coughing into his rag.

Kuv smiled, door opening and heeled feet taking her inside. She glanced briefly around before her gaze found the speaker sitting behind a desk cluttered with papers, amulets, rings and other assorted magical paraphernalia. He nodded weakly at her, sitting up as straight as he might in his cushioned chair to address her. “Kuvasei, to what do I owe the surprise?”

Kuv kept her demeanor pleasant, though she was deeply worried and a layer of sadness wrapped her mood. “May I sit?” She asked as she approached, clad in a gown of emerald and sapphire that shimmered when she walked.

Anetho pushed himself from the one chair behind the desk and pulled it out a little for her. “…Here you are…” He regarded her kindly, even though his voice was as rough as granite having been subjected to so strenuous a coughing fit. Kuv shook her head, “Anetho.. even I can see you’re not well. Surely I can take a chair different than yours.”

“I broke the rest in a fit of rage.” He confessed. “I don’t think you’d enjoy the sensation of sitting upon embers very much…” He held the cloth to his mouth, stifling a cough as he continued to smile at her. “Politics… They’ll kill you.”

She smiled and took the offered chair, it would have been rude to do otherwise. “What caused the rage,” she asked simply, not wishing to force her way immediately to the difficult subjects. “The very same topic you wrote to me over.” He frowns at her in sincere discontent. “I apologize that I did not write you sooner… But I’ve been rather indisposed…” She crossed her legs. “I can well imagine…Anetho…” She said his name with a note of sadness as her pleasantries ran their course.

“Even I admit this farce has gone to far, but there is nothing I can do in the wake of these charges. They’ve gone beyond my hands. It is a matter befitting military judgement, rather than the judicial system.” He shakes his head, coughing into his blood stained cloth again, before clearing his throat and speaking again. “…All I can do now is testify on his behalf and offer the best appeal that I can…” Kuv looked at him sadness shifting to disbelief and then a tinge of anger. “It’s you who forced this into a military court.. why? What reason could you possibly have?”

He straightened his bow tie and peered down at her. His expression didn’t change much, still bland and neutral. “…What did you ask me to do… Kuvasei?” He moved to the other side of the desk. “What did Astoreth… ask me… to do?” “Anetho, keep my children safe!” He throws his hands into the air. “Anetho, please save me!” He exclaims turning about to kick a scrying orb over. “Magister, commit your mana to the device, we must protect the people!”

Kuv just looked at him, not certain where he was going.

 

“WELL WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK DID YOU ASK ME TO DO!?”

 

Kuv kept her voice quiet, “Anetho, I am going to ask you this once and only once. Please do not yell at me, you -will- treat me with respect or I will walk right out that door.” She kept anger out, there was nothing in her tone but the will behind her words, and the self-respect they supported.

He committed his attention more to the rag than to her as he was wracked by an onslaught of whooping coughs before he inhaled sharply and sighed, trying to steady his breathing. “…I told you he was destined to die. I told Astoreth, he was destined to die.. The two of you in your own ways sought me out… I was tasked in protecting him, if I might…” He ran his right hand through his hair with a sigh. “…There is a great tidal wave approaching, and he stands upon the wrong end of it.”

Kuv softened with the drop in volume. “Anetho, we are all destined to die. Have you actually seen, beyond doubt that he is going to perish in this.. tidal wave? Because for certain, if he loses his commission, you’ll be killing his spirit. The Rangers are his life.”

“Do you observe the colors your father carries in his every step? The tabard that rests upon his chest?” He asks quietly, in a defeated manner. “…Yes. Because if I can’t remove him from the board, than an even greater tragedy will befall him upon it…”

And do you predict that every single ranger will be killed? So far, you’ve only portrayed a great battle with the inference of us being on the losing side.”

“There will be a division. A few amongst the Farstriders will likewise be swept up in this tsunami… I’m doing the best I can, in the only methods I know how.” He gritted his teeth. “Clearly… this is never good enough.”

 

“Do you -know- that father will be killed?”

 

“Yes. With pristine certainty.”

 

Kuv nodded slowly, “Then did you consider other options of removing him.. ” softening, “Options that wouldn’t crush him.. and wouldn’t force me to choose between him, and you? Anetho.. please.. please don’t make me choose.”

“I’m trying to -save- his career! Do you know how much coin I’ve spent on his behalf? How many men I’ve been forced to bed with!?”

She shook her head softly, “No.. no I really do not. I only know that tricking him into an appeal he did not request could cost him everything.”

He held the rag to his mouth, stifling another coughing fit. He sighed after a moment. “…And it may cost him so much more if I hadn’t…” He frowned at her. “I’m doing my damndest to maneuver this in a more agreeable manner… But I need you to trust me in this regard. Trust that I’m doing the right thing…” Now it was his turn to plead.

Kuv looked saddened, so very saddened and she rose to place a hand on his arm. “I want to Anetho, Titans I want to.. but it’s not just me who has to trust you. Do you understand? If I stay with you.. with what Dad is going through.. it’s going to kill our relationship. He will only see it as betrayal, and.. honestly, he’d be right to do so. Even if I trust you, I’m still in the same position and I don’t know what to do.”

“I told him as plainly as I am able at present; I’m doing this to protect him. I can’t break it any simpler than that.” He sighs. “You and he will need to await the day of the trial. I can elaborate on everything as soon as it has subsided.”

Kuvasei nodded sadly, her hand falling from his arm to a smallish side-bag from whence she produced a familiar box. This she placed on the desk. “Fix this, Anetho, fix this please, not only with the trial, but with father as well. When he gives his blessing to our courting, you may, if you so choose, gift it again. I’m not above begging for this… but.. I.. cannot bear to see him like this, so.. please.”

“You may not like what the end result is, but you must understand that it is all I can barter for right now… It will not be a permanent affair.”

Kuv forced a smile onto her face, “I hope so.. please make it so, Anetho. You are.. everything I ever wanted in a man.. everything I ever dreamed of.. and then some. I never dreamed I could be so lucky as to have someone like you.. someone with your brilliance, and the depth of your affection to court me.. please.. please don’t let me lose that.. don’t let me lose you.” With these sincere and vulnerable words, she made her way across the room to stand by the door. The box remained upon the table.

He moved to slide into his chair once again, weary and tired. Sweat forming along his forehead. “…Gods only know how terribly this pains me to see you suffer so in the throngs of confusion…” He coughs into his rag again, violently. Blood droplets staining it further.

Kuv paused with the door open, the evening light throwing her form into a partial silhouette. “This is me trusting you Anetho.. when you say you are doing it for the best, I believe you. I’m willing to wait to see it through..and on the other side, when father gives me his blessing, then we can pick up again. Happiness, it is worth the risk.”

He nodded in agreement. “…I hate for you to see me like this…” He mumbled.

“It just makes me look to better days….and for what it’s worth, when I close my eyes, you are not who you appear today, are bright, shining, and brilliant enough that I find myself forced to look away. Goodnight Anetho.” She closed the door and made her way home. She didn’t drive, she walked. About then she really…. really needed the night’s solace.

[Adapted from rp log between Anetho and Kuvasei]